I can't tell you what an immense improvement the 2nd dose was. A little tweak with the sickness medications and a new friend added into the mind-boggling concoction of drugs and my goodness - what a result. The day of the treatment was rough, again, and I fell into bed soon after arriving home. Then, upon waking the next day, opening my eyes, I just waited for the nausea to hit, and waited and waited until I realised I felt ok! I got up, had breakfast (big result in itself) and played with Lila, slowing dawning on me that I could do this, it was going to be ok........ and most importantly it stayed this way.......NO nausea. Fan-bloody-tastic! Vision and clumsiness much improved too. I guess I wasn't exactly feeling dynamite but a monumental relief for sure. Plus, once the nausea had been taken out of the equation all the other side effects became so much more manageable and life didn't seem too different this time. The insomnia was hard - a week of waking up at 2-3ish and not going back to sleep but I am trying to learn to embrace it and use the time constructively (if its possible at that unearthly hour!) and not let it become too daunting. Anyone who knows me will know how rubbish/dysfunctional I am without sleep so it has worried me how I'd cope in the daytime with these nocturnal nights but I am continuing the cat like behavior of napping (oh the art!) when I can, which is possibly not enough though. During this time my brain feels pretty dysfunctional and I’m still caught out doing/saying scatty things, apparently not recalling conversations (much to the annoyance of Wayne)...... but surely I have excuses right? Lack of sleep, chemo frazzling drugs, baby brain (yep, still allowed until Lila 2 yrs old do you think?)......blah blah blah....excuses excuses!
So, this time round I was actually able to make plans thanks to feeling so much more human and we had a visit from dear old friends Darren and Sarah on the Monday, day 5. Therefore, first day out in public with headscarf, (not sure why but I am favoring headscarf over wig at this point - maybe still prickly head and Wilma not quite comfortable?). Deciding on a pale pink headscarf ('shock' I hear you say....pink for you Nicola?), I tied my trustee rosette knot to the side (yep - been a practising - think looks a little better than previous picture!). On reflection, I decided I was subconsciously paying homage to my wedding day hairdo of a side bun. Maybe? Possibly? Either way, it was nice to look at the wedding pictures again and feel a little nostaligic.......who'd of known 7 yrs on we'd be on this safari?
So, we met in a local cafe, naturally feeling a little self conscious but boosted by friends company, I literally stepped foot inside, with Lila on my hip, and a lady approached me and entered into a conversation that went a little like this:
'Excuse me, do you mind if I ask are you in treatment? I couldn't help but notice you especially with such a young baby'
Grrrrreat. That was all I needed! Trying to remain composed we had a chat about the difficulties of coping with children and granted she said some very encouraging words being 7 years on from her diagnosis and healthy but I then had to go to the loos to regain composure and blink away the tears! I guess it caught me a little on the hop. I truly must gain more control of my emotions. Haven't I said this before? Not sure I have any hope really with the constant turbulence going on!
Anyhow, a great day followed by the Cotswold's lakes, beautiful sunshine, such a tonic to have such special company around. Tilly had a ball in a canoe with Wayne whilst Sarah, Darren and I soaked up some rays putting the world to rights as we do!
The rest of the week was spent pottering around, doing local things and getting stronger to travel down to Devon ASAP to warm our hearts and souls after having to turn down our French holiday with the family, mainly due to timings and medical logistics (the medical team like you an hour away from hospital at all times which made me a little nervous plus not sure French vocabulary stretched to chemotherapy talk in an emergency....eeek!). A bit of a wrench for us both but just not possible so soon after dose 2, especially with rascal Lila in the car! So, thanks to the lovely Pittard’s Devon is a-waiting – and feels a little more manageable/realistic right now than a cross seas journey.
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Thank you for taking the time to travel this journey with me.