Blowing in the wind

It comes with a heavy heart that I write about my hair. The dreaded day has arrived and it’s started to go – and pretty fast too. Almost bang on schedule, as the Oncologist had prepared me, day 14 it started.  As I ran my hands through my hair, with horror I saw a collection of strands in my palm and sobbed. 

 

SO with each day comes more loss. In fact, given the amount that’s already fallen out, I can’t believe there’s much left but I guess it’s now that I am eternally grateful that I have the thickest hair e-ver. So, to all those hairdressers over the years who have moaned as they’ve cut through the mounds. Take that won’t ya! On the flip side though comes lots of mess. Hair everywhere! Pillow coverd in the morning etc. You get the picture I'm sure. 

 

At the weekend we had a wonderful day out in Savernake Forest but at one point things became overwhelming and I cried as I realised I might not even make it to treatment no. two with hair in tow. I stood for a while, watching the handfuls of hair blow frivolously off in the wind, dancing, whirling and swirling. I couldn’t believe it and it got me thinking…..about every other women that has experienced this feeling. This pain, this fear, and the nightmares that accompany it. I decided this is the meanest, cruellest thing to happen to a woman - first a diagnosis, then surgery, then the dreaded chemotherapy and, just in case that’s not enough, let’s take your hair too. A final blow! And I know so many other ladies have to go through this, not just because of C but for many other reasons too...... plus, you know this is going to happen – let’s face it, they start talking about it right from the very beginning at the diagnosis.  But it doesn’t make it an ounce easier to deal with or be prepared for when it actually happens. It’s awful. It’s heartbreaking. Its F Shit!

 

But what can I do about it? Absolutely nothing except not let it break me, not let it get the better of me and not let it shatter my confidence as a woman. I need to get the clippers out but I'm tyring to pluck up the courage. 

So, here’s to my lovely hair - I love you and hope you come back soon, in a similar fashion and a similar colour. Please. It’s been fun over the years. Many thanks. With love, your best friend Nicola.

 

And so a song – for loved ones, lost ones, overseas friends and travelling friends (Vince, we can’t wait to see you!) and for every other person who has been through similar trauma in their lives. 

http://youtu.be/vWwgrjjIMXA