Can I reach for the Gin? - Sat 17th August.

Continuing straight on from Devon, can I just tell you how bloody hard things are right now - a real crash back down to reality for us! An excitable teething 1-year old that screams and shouts constantly and has decided she doesn’t want to go to ANYONE else when Mummy is around, let alone be put down… A phase, I know, but exasperating at the best of times! And a 5-year old (almost 6) who’s decided she doesn’t want to listen to anyone at the moment and has developed the attitude of a teenager!! Please let this be another quick phase! Plus, we haven’t managed a conversation - or, at least, to finish one - in an age and we are constantly deranged from the day-to-day treadmill and stumbling of this GD C experience. I hope I’m not judged on this - to be fair, I think it must be a 'normal' experience we are having (summer holidays and all) and despite all this chaos, I thankfully still wake up every morning waiting to hug and kiss the little bunnies. Oh, the constant trials, emotions and guilt of motherhood, hey!

Thrown into the mix is insomnia again (GD I HATE Mr Insomnia!) - this time not steroid induced so why oh why???.....dark nights, tears and thoughts keeping me awake – the usual things….the future (a biggy!), money, work, Wayne returning to work, coping with the next dose and the impending appointment of a PICC line insertion (see next post). And this time Wayne too......we toss and turn together, both having nightmares, both troubled by insomnia. Me listening to the radio most of the night and then even more narky and short tempered in the day. I have resorted, reluctantly, to sleeping pills - but guess what.......they seem to laugh in the face of insomnia too! Grrreat! Oh, it's all so much fun at the moment. Never the less, we continue on for the children and do our best to navigate the pathway, helped out some days with supportive friends, Granny and the boost of a return visit from nomadic traveler, Vince (Wayne’s bestest buddy) after 6 months of adventures (thanks to his lovely chauffeur sister Anna – yep, 4th Anna!).

All of this gets me pondering again about stress levels and how vital it is to manage them to support recovery and maintain a healthy C-free future. Plus, sleep is said to be fundamental for recovery, body repair etc. My body and mind just wants to heal. Fat chance right now! Hard not to worry about it all really, especially with the children keeping us on our toes like this! Will keep taking my chai seeds and papayas and hope for the best methinks! – See C whisper below.

Meanwhile, consciously trying to manage the stress, days pass by, and I'm rapidly approaching my 3rd dose. I try and spend some mindful time doing gardening, endless weeding, enjoying the beautiful nature around, combine harvesters chugging in the next-door fields and tending to our poorly neglected vegetables…eeek! Quick Monty Don update: we are munching our way through the potatoes, delicious lettuces, have beetroot and carrots to harvest and, new to this year’s repertoire, some celery (I’m not sure how edible it's looking right now) and corn that’s looking like it could represent a meal pretty soon. Raspberries are coming on and rhubarb is resembling a triffid! And, might I add, having struggled with this lot over the last two years, Wayne is now talking about adding an allotment to our collection. WHEN would we ever find time for this?? It's a yes to chickens though - desperate for them!

Before we know it, the next Thursday D-day arrives. Confronting dose 3 is foremost... but, weirdly, this is the day that Wayne and I actually seem to manage conversations, catch ups, reacquainting ourselves and generally making important life decisions that we all have to make now and then! I can’t quite believe we have started to look forward to a day in hospital together - a break from the children and time to ourselves. What on earth has our life come to, I ask? It cannot be right. I guess, though, that it's a silver lining to what can become a grueling and anxious day.

C whisper: I just have to mention chai seeds - another nutritional super seed (South American), helping to boost our antioxidant levels, proteins, minerals and Omega 3 fatty acids. Recommended at the beginning of this journey by someone, I take it daily, mixed into porridge. Who knows… but something is keeping me going and I'm too scared to stop now, ha! Go try them - can’t do any harm, right? But be warned, if you mix them in wrong they tend to resemble frog spawn eugh!

Along with papayas to ease the digestive tract and cut through the metallic taste during chemotherapy – again, seems to work.

Manuka honey also for the digestive tract - lashings of it on toast, in drinks and on the spoon!

Oh, and lemons! Lemons in every drink to keep the taste buds under control. Works wonders, especially to put the fizz back into me with a bit of carbonated water.

http://www.organicauthority.com/health/superfoods-to-eat-during-chemo.html

Also, I highly recommend a good mouthwash, something to keep working to keep those ulcers at bay.

Plus, a good dusting of bronzing balls - for those peaky pale days they work a treat!