The mind of a small child

Just a little update of the kiddies coping mechanisms through all of this chaos!

Wilma the wig made her introduction to Tilly and it went down well. She was highly amused as I put the wig on and we played a trick on Daddy to see if he noticed Mummy’s new hair. He did…immediately - boooo! Mainly because my hair has never looked so neat – unless, of course, it's the day I step out of the hairdresser's (for about 45 minutes till the wind/rain gets hold of it!) So, yes, no need to straighten, style or do anything really - a neat, perfected look in an instant!

We talked about embarking on the loss of Mummy's hair with Tilly. We simply told her something along the lines of: ‘Mummy will be receiving some medicine to make her all better and, can you believe it, that medicine will make Mummy's hair fall out. How funny is that? But, don’t worry, it will all grow back etc.’ She then launched into a fab conversation about how chefs have to wear hairnets to stop their hair falling out and they also wear blue plasters and baggy checked trousers. Got to love the way their minds work. And that was that, onto the next conversation and not fazed in the slightest.

When my head was shaved, Tilly saw it the next day. She was again quite amused - and who wouldn’t be! She wanted to have a good feel and said: ‘You look different, Mummy. You don’t look like you.’ She played with the scarves again and helps me choose a different one each day. She’s handled her friends amazingly well and sometimes asks if they can see some of my head: ‘Look at Mummy’s hair now.’ In fact, in Devon, she rushed over with Edward and Megan and a couple more friends in excitement for them to take a look. Then, when Wilma comes out, it creates a little confusion for some of the kiddies but Tilly just announces: ‘Don’t worry, that’s just Mummy's wig!’

At times, when I wear nothing on my head around the house, she comes over for another feel or cuddle or comes out with another random comment about how funny I look now. But, generally, she seems to be taking it all in her stride and is totally unfazed by it all. I’m just a little apprehensive about what she may decide to tell her friends/teachers at school about Mummies hair/lack of it and wig! Let's face it, we have no control over what they decide to talk about with friends/teachers and the stories they concoct are often quite a hoot so watch this space for ground-swallow-me up moments in the playground!

As for dear little Lila, she could actually be the embarrassing one. She looks at me with constant confusion and tugs playfully at Wilma when on. Oh dear…eeek! She looks at each headscarf with puzzlement, especially as I’ve sometimes changed it while she’s been napping - a women’s prerogative right? Well, after all, I have to get the outfit right which often takes a few attempts, ha! So, she’ll not miss an opportunity to take a tug at the scarves too if I’m lucky, especially if I bend down anywhere near her!

Tilly has also been fascinated by the PICC line, asking many questions and wanting to know how it all works. She thinks it highly amusing that I have to wrap it in clingfilm to have a shower. What we try to do over chemo days is arrange for a couple of exciting sleepover nights for her and, having just returned from Granny's, this seems to work well and gives us a little respite to get back on our feet. Plus, Tilly has huge adventures and does more than she would at home with a tired, insomniac Mother! I’m hoping she doesn’t regard it as being sent away - it doesn’t appear this way from her response as she is such a confident little character.

So, who knows what the right way of coping with all of this is. I know there are no rights or wrongs when dealing with children wrapped up in their parents' C world but we have taken the approach of 'less is more' and let her come back to us with the questions. So far, it seems to be working for us - there were a few wobbles in the beginning during operation and we get the occasional 'I want my old mummy back!' Although not totally convinced this is due to the situation, a bit of clever emotional blackmail and heart string tugging perhaps? Needless to say it works! But nothing that some quality mummy time, toe painting, creams and beauty talk doesn't solve!!! See..... 5 going on 15! Beats moshi monster obsession for 5 mins though!

So, did I say this already?…….ONLY 3 MORE DOSES TO GO! Then we’ll move onto the logistics of the radiotherapy but I'm not going to think about that yet! Not enough brain space, ha ha!