The next stage.......

So, the deed is done. I have successfully made it through the twists and turns of chemotherapy treatment....well, I’m in recovery at least. What a journey. I can safely say I never, ever want to be in this situation again. It's been a hard, traumatic, emotional time for us all but, thankfully, my family is in one piece, my husband has avoided a breakdown (so far!) and I'm alive to tell my story! 

Weirdly, it's not without mixed emotions though. There's been constant highs and lows since my diagnosis but the end of chemotherapy brings the biggest high yet. However, it seems as soon as the last dose is in sight everyone wants to speak to you about the future. Yep, THE FUTURE. The future of living with cancer. How to move forward. The chemotherapy nurse, the breast cancer care nurse, the oncologist, the radiologist and so it goes on. They've all had their say over the last couple of weeks which naturally provokes anxieties, tap tapping on my mind, pestering my peace and quiet and dampening the sense of happiness I had at the end of the chemo. It brings with it sadness as I wonder what the future has in store for me. I just want to live a normal life and pray I am able to do this by controlling the inevitable anxieties and finding the courage. Mmmmm, somehow, I need to find this balance to be able to move forward.

Meanwhile though, the PICC line has been removed. Hooray! I can now have a shower without driving Wayne mad, asking him to wrap my arm in clingfilm. The skin can feel fresh air again and I can have a bath. After all the worries about getting it inserted though, I am super glad I did. It has been a good friend, easing the pain of the toxic drugs. 

Then, before I know it I'm onto the next stage of this mountain climb.....it's at this point we part hands with chemotherapy and I allow radiotherapy to take over the lead role. With that in mind, I met with the radiologist consultant last week and it's looking like 4.5 weeks of radiotherapy for me. My dreams of getting it done before Christmas could be slowly vanishing as, yet again, I hear the words......'because of your age and type of cancer, we want to give you the maximum dose'. The story of my journey! So, they are going to give me 3ish weeks grace and then start treatment at the end of November, Monday to Friday – every weekday. Bah! They assure me it's going to be an easier ride then chemotherapy so here's hoping that’s the case! It's just the logistics that are tougher. A daily trip to Cheltenham for 15 mins of treatment. Oh well, I guess I could squeeze in a little Christmas shopping at the same time, right? 

Let's hope the next couple of weeks bring a smooth ride and I recover from this last dose without any traumas! So far, so good. My lovely sister, Emma, has been down all weekend to care for Lila. Wayne was given an exit ticket and has had fun out with friends (in fact he's still out!!) and Tilly is off with Granny doing.......Granny things of course! It's half term so I'm hoping to get stronger as the days go by to take part in fun Halloween and fireworks adventures but, meanwhile, I'm tucked up in bed, planning on hiding from the storm I can hear brewing outside my window! Ttfn xxxx

Thank you Aunty Em for looking after me xx

Número 6. Final dose. Just sayin!

A song full of memories for a dear old friend Stephen, who would have been celebrating his birthday today. 

And a lovely tune to help put a spring in my step for last dose of chemotherapy...... ever! 

Enjoy xx

http://youtu.be/n6j4TGqVl5g

Hospital admission..... Sigh

It was all a little too good to be true and perhaps inevitable with a sick husband and Lila at home again. This time, my germ dodging didn't go to plan! I was up and running a few days earlier after this dose and coping well and then WHAM.....  admitted to hospital Sunday night with a fever. They have a protocol: any fever and, within an hour, they have you in hospital hooked up to IV antibiotics. Xrays, ECG, the works. No messing! They even sent an ambulance as I couldn't get hold of Wayne and the kiddies. First time for everything! 

So, Saturday I was out with friends... Sunday I was on an acute medical ward from hell surrounded by three senile ladies. ARGH! Thankfully (was that close to discharging myself), I was moved on Monday to the Oncology ward with private rooms. Although the damage has been done... I’m mentally scarred from the experience and the greedy 60 mins of sleep that first night. I think the lady who shouted out every hour 'Robert, Robert, is that you?' (thinking she could see her son) tipped me over the edge, emotionally and mentally! Too sad. 

Hey ho, although I'm utterly fed up, I keep thinking how things could be worse. And they are not! So, let's hope that I’m home today... back to my own bed and family, with a week to build myself up for the last dose next Thursday. 

Courageous friend Natalie.

I'd just like to share something with you all.
This is a video of an old friend, Natalie. We had our first babies together (she now has three gorgeous boys), celebrated their first birthdays together and hung out in sunny Devon together as new Mums. We then moved to the Middle East but stayed in touch. Right now, Natalie is also fighting cancer - she is about to have her right lung removed because of this cruel and unforgiving disease. She is such a fighter, truly larger than life - as you can see - and this video has made me smile on a tough day today. She is with the black headband, and husband Phill is dancing in the kitchen. Enjoy. 
Hugs to you Natalie. Xx

http://vimeo.com/76033768

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2449241/You-NEVER-ignore-mouth-ulcer-wont-heal-Natalie-did-just-weeks--faces-tragic-consequences.html

Cha-Cha on my friends.....

Gearing up for the penultimate dose (thurs), my thoughts are somewhat anxious (knowing what’s in store this time) coupled with anger and a sickening feeling deep down in my stomach at having to do this awful treatment regime. I've had a lot of 'why me' days again of late but, luckily, they've been mixed with some really lovely, distracting times with family and friends to soften the blow for what’s in store tomorrow and beyond. We've had some fun dinners out, glorious walks and well needed catch ups. The kiddies are on good form too but, as a result of all the above, I'm a little exhausted (again!) – but, it’s a positive tiredness if that makes sense and it will carry me through the next few days to help banish the terrors and keep feisty strong ready for this dose. 

The only blip is that I've had a pic line infection – boooooo.  So, antibiotics for me but, after the initial dismay, I'm now taking the attitude that if this is the only blip I have then I'll take it and go with it!

I'd just like to take this chance again to say a heartfelt thank you to friends and family for their continued support, shoulders to cry on, phone calls, logistical help and, most importantly, the steady stream of culinary delights we have been treated to. It all means so much, is unbelievably helpful and gratefully received. 

So, with positive thoughts and a sprinkling of fairy dust, it’s on to the next leg of this mountain climb.........this time with the summit in sight! Hurrah!