Can Cancer bring happiness?

I am constantly so overwhelmed and touched by all the love and help we have been receiving on a daily basis. I just want to spend some time thanking each and every one of you - family and friends, near and far - for all your kindness, care and thoughtfulness to help us through these tough times. A dear friend, who thankfully has come out the other side of cancer, once said to me "it's as though people just want to wrap you up and make you all better". It's true. It feels like Christmas and birthdays all rolled into one (if that makes any sense) - without the excitement! I have received such an array of thoughtful gifts, delicious food parcels, veggie boxes, flowers (so healing), smellies, dvd's, chocolates, money, an ipad (oh the squeals!!), pretty painted toenails and many delicious cooked meals. In fact, Sarah, your fish pie reminded me of the lemsip chair - it felt like a big warm hug all over, so much so we made it last 3 nights! Not forgetting all the invaluable practical help with the children and general day to day running of our lives. Plus, I thank you ALL from the bottom of my heart for your messages, cards and voice mails - I listen and read every single one of them, they mean so much to me and I can't tell you how much it brightens my day to hear from you all. I'm sorry if at times I haven't replied - please don't give up on me, please stay with me along this journey.

I know it's cheesy (I'm sorry but something is responsible for turning me into a big cheese - not sure if it's blogging or cancer?!) but, from now on, we are calling it cancer kindness. And we have oodles of it. 

Even more so now I strongly believe that everything happens in our lives for a reason. For us, it's like we have been set up to best cope with our situation. Don't get me wrong, surely there can never be a good time to get cancer and having a 9mth old is pretty tough - in fact the whole thing is bloody tough - but the build up to this: moving back from the Middle East; settling into a new village; Wayne becoming a house husband and me returning to work (NHS) on almost full time hours - all of it seems to have put us in the best possible place to battle with the news of my illness. Also, I have no doubt now that the people we meet on our journey of life all serve an invaluable purpose and contribute to our well-being. Everyone we meet has a different quality to add to our precious lives.

I am so eternally grateful for my life, my family, my gorgeous children, my friends, our home - but, most of all, for my husband and the fact that he is home with me and can wipe away my tears and hold my hand through this nightmare roller coaster experience. I want to say to everyone - and I know it's not always possible but, if you can - appreciate what you have. Because I now look back at my life and realise how wonderful it was and within one split second it's been turned upside down. The sadness C has brought upon us is tragic. I want my old life back. 

That said, as consuming as you are, cancer, there is still some happiness in my world thank you very much! You will not destroy my spirit and love of life - my army is too big to allow this! However, you have given me something new to add to my 'to do list'- FIGHT CANCER!

"Count your age by friends, not years, count your life by smiles, not tears."

John Lennon.