For the love of God

I am falling apart at the seams, literally. I am springing leaks regularly. I need super gluing or, as Polly says: "we can use the cork from our bottle of wine if that helps?" Ha ha - luckily, I still have my sense of humor... I think! When I move my arm, you can actually hear the air coming out of the holes. Surely that can't be right?

As if not lifting for 4-6 wks wasn't impractical enough, I feel like I can't go anywhere. I guess I can liken it to waters breaking in the fact that you don't know when and where it's going to happen so it catches you unawares. It's ridiculously.  messy and most traumatic! So, as you can tell, I'm completely over this whole C bullshit right now. It's all a huge inconvenience in my life. I'm way too busy for this - I've got better things to be doing, like planting vegetables (don't get me started on that one!) Last year a washout and big baby bump, this year Cancer gets in the fucking way. Big SIGH. Plus, how the hell are we ever going to get to Scotland next Saturday if this carries on? Can you imagine the panicked hostesses on the plane if it starts mid flight? I'm seriously starting to regret the Marsden's decision not to use a drain - apparently they go in and out of fashion, currently OUT. Rahhhh rant over! Tears brushed aside. Onwards......after all, at least I didn't see the sunrise today. 5.45am was a little too late.

So, plan for the day: Well, thanks to Mum, Emma, Martin and Sarah, the kiddies are taken care of so we can have a bit of R&R, with no doubt a bit of lymphatic fluid sprayed in! A spot of gardening (me dictating of course!), trying to stay positive, no tears, not googling, not reading cancer books... or maybe just a peak! And perhaps a movie (Thanks, Mum, for Life of Pi)... Oh, and not forgetting a mindful walk, if I can manage it in between leaks ha!

Just quickly: on the children note, isn't it ironic (cue song, Darren) how, as parents, you long in desperation for someone to take the kids off your hands, just for a few hours, so you can be human again, re-meet your husband, have time out, an undisturbed bath etc. And now it's happened, we don't want it. Well, that's not true as we need it, but we'd do anything not to need it and have the house back to normal, without this unhappiness and stress. I want the craziness of Tilly running around, Lila yelling for attention and FOOD, waving at everyone in between and Wayne tearing his hair out, complaining he doesn't have a life anymore. Dear god I want normality.