Black Friday.

Friday 17th May

Oh my goodness. What a day. What a hellish day. Starting with Wayne vomiting through the night and it becoming apparent in the early hours he was in no state to be my chauffeur today. What the hell do I do? Every single scenario runs through my brain – taxi? Cancel appointment? Friend to drive? Sister to drive? Nothing really works, especially at 5.30 am. SO, it’s clear I just have to get in the car and drive myself. After all, it’s only one appointment and then I can come straight home and chill, right? WRONG! May I just add at this point, yesterday we spoke to Swindon hospital to discuss the option of seeing an oncologist there (to confirm we were doing the right thing travelling up to the Marsden today) and, lo and behold, it seems there is a cancer queue in Swindon. Apparently, a 5-6 week wait to see an oncologist, so not a good place to get cancer if there is one. Therefore, I’m even more determined not to cancel today and off I drive. Floating down the motorway in a haze of determination and anger (at husband!), I made it with time to spare for a welcome cuppa and gathering of thoughts. I seem to be feeling a little more comfortable in this hospital now. Not sure that’s a good thing though. I think mentally I’m trying to treat it as a normal hospital to take the sadness away from it all. However, I’m still obsessed with wig spotting out of sheer curiosity and entertainment.

So, in to see oh-wise-one, the great O. Well there’s certainly no mincing of her Irish words. Tell it like it is why don’t ya. Like a slap round the face, she paints the grimmest picture possible. Chemotherapy talk to seriously put the frighteners up you and then talk of the future: apparently, the next two years is critical and, if I make it through that, I’ve done reasonably well. Then onto five years….. yada yada yada. H.E.L.L.O… Instead of scaring the shit out of me, more importantly, I’d like my scan results please! So, off she pops to get them. Uh oh, here we go…  Mrs O returns to the room with a nurse. Holy Shit! You know something is wrong at this point. A friendly smiling nurse in case you completely loose the plot with the news they are about to deliver.

“Your bone scan is fine Nicola…”

Ok, so what’s the big deal here?

“…However, there appears to be a problem with the CT scan. It is showing a small mass on the liver, probably just a haemangioma but, never the less, we have to check it out.”

Right, so hold on a minute. This, yet again, has just gone from being a routine appointment to serious shit in 10 seconds. Don’t you know it’s a Friday and I have to face the M25/M4 yet? It’s now 12 o’clock. Yet again, C is being a huge inconvenience!

SO, off I plod for an emergency MRI scan. Gutted. Really thought I’d got away with this scan in particular. Having experienced one in the past, it’s like a bloody pneumatic drill circulating your head. No chance of relaxing, no nodding off and certainly no room for lovely songs in the head. The earphones make it just bearable. Despite that, I still press the panic button within 3 secs.

“Yes Nicola?” comes the nurse’s filipino voice through my headphones.

“It’s my wedding ring – it’s vibrating!”

“It’s ok, Nicola, don’t panic - that’s fine. Try and relax”.

Relax? He’s having a laugh isn’t he? What with the deafening noise and the annoying breathing activities I am instructed to do, that’s virtually impossible. Although he did comment at the end “Nicola, you did very well”. Round of applause for me.

After the scan, Mrs O takes pity and lets me go. She agreed to phone me later tonight with results and carry on our curtailed consultation on the phone. Suits me – it’s 3 o’clock and I’m tired.

So, I drive all the way home lost in thoughts that I went up this morning with breast cancer and I’m now driving home with breast cancer AND liver cancer. Bloody marvellous. I had no idea I was going to pick up another passenger en route! Another shattering event in the world of C.

My lovely sister greets me on arrival home with Lila clapping and waving. Husband still in bed. Grrrrrrr.

This surely has to have been the darkest day yet, BUT, I’m very happy to tell you that the day ends well. The news is good. No liver cancer for me today. The relief is enormous. Can I go to sleep now? NO – you now have to pack for your family to go on holiday in a few hours of course! Ahhhh yes, of course.